Bemused…

Gibberish (and more..)

Writing a few ‘bloglets’ this time instead of one single blog post. Suits my character too - Patience has never been my virtue.

——- Bloglet 1 ——

Me, being a PC, hasn’t had much to rejoice about lately. First, it was the series of ‘Get a Mac’ ads that gave me a permanent mental picture of myself as a bloated nerd. And the fact that most of my friends have switched to Mac hasn’t helped either. (Yep, even the fat one. The one who searched all the library catalogs for a certain Mac’book’). I feel lonely and left behind. I visit the doctor’s more often now. Maybe my revulsion towards apples has something to do with it. Microsoft’s ’I’m a PC campaign‘ has done little to uplift my tarnished image. I can’t take this any more. My fellow PCs, I say we unite and do something drastic. Like switching to Mac, maybe?

The ‘points to ponder’ below are dedicated to my miserable PC brothers.

1. Why do people consider Mac superior when we all know that Windows is well hung?

2. Legend goes that Microsoft copied stuff from Apple long back. But how come no one talks much about Apple’s plagiarism? Check out their HQ address, and you will know what I mean. That is totally Microsoft property. (One infinite loop)

——- Bloglet 2 ——

Remember my ‘search for the elusive 6P’ post sometime back? Well, here’s an update on that: I’ve taken up cycling as a last ditch effort to shape up. (PS: Read ‘I’ve taken up cycling’ as ‘I bought a cycle 2 weeks back. Now I need to take it out’.) It seems like life has come a full cycle…err…circle for me. I started out with a cycle, moved up to a bike, and then a small car, then a bigger one, and now back to cycle. Talk about impulsive shopping habits.

Hmmm, what reason should I give my wife for not taking the cycle out today…

——- Bloglet 3 ——

What’s up with the world these days? Recession, terrorism, communal riots, and now the leading investment banks going bankrupt. I’m really curious about what this would do to the marriage markets in India. Wonder how much the high flying MBAs are worth, especially those specialized in finance. Last I heard, they were on par with the pan-wallahs*. And they are getting picked up for peanuts by market savvy parents-in-law.

* As per research data (from totally unreliable sources) from a village in Andhra.

——- Bloglet 4 ——

This bit sure would be heartening for my infy friends. Check out this article (http://blogs.livemint.com/blogs/lounge/archive/2008/09/30/google-heart-infosys-infosys-heart-employees.aspx) by Sidin Vadukut. A pretty interesting observation. (PS: I tried what was mentioned there, but it didn’t work for me.)

Technorati Tags: ’I’m a PC, Mac, Microsoft, Apple, cycling

Posted in HUmor, Life, Self depreciation, Technology | No Comments »

I See I See I, How come I don’t See?

It was great watching them grow. Slowly, but surely they were gaining in size. Someday, after they grew to a reasonable size, I could trade them for my dream gift. I kept feeding them, checking back regularly to assess whether it was time. To my greatest despair, one fine day they all disappeared. No warnings, no tell tale signs - Just vanished into thin air. My ICICI credit card reward points - All gone in a day! All my hard work, in vain.

Of course, ICICI has a call center and I should be able to get help - All’s not lost, I said to myself, as I dialed their toll free number. The machine greeted me with a big ‘hello’ while it played a soothing music in the background. I could use some of that. So far, so good. The machine informed me that there were a few callers ahead of me, and I would have to hang on for approximately 6 minutes before some human talks to me. No problem, I could hang on. While I was waiting, recorded messages urged me to take a loan, buy insurance, and do a whole lot of other things (banking related, of course). Some even sounded like they were giving away money for free, and what a jack ass I was for not availing their facilities so far. Finally, I heard a faint cluck, and I braced myself in readiness to speak to a ‘representative’. Not so fast. It was the machine lady, who said they were experiencing heavy traffic today, and that I would have to wait a bit longer. My patience started to wear off as I switched to the speaker mode while I continued with my work.

A few minutes later, I grew tired of waiting and disconnected. I called up the number again, and this time, I chose the menu option for ‘Lost Cards’. The machine got back saying that they would not be able to answer my call because of a huge call volume. I realized that they wouldn’t answer me if I selected the service options (specifically ‘Report Loss of Card’ and ‘For other credit card related questions’ menu options). Maybe I should try the ‘Apply for a new credit card’ option; they would surely bite that – who would turn down an opportunity for a sale, right? And so, I dialed that option. It worked! This time, I got straight thru to a human voice. I explained my problem to him, as he listened patiently. Finally after I was done, he told me that I had reached the wrong support department and that he would transfer me to the right one. Before I got a chance to respond, he switched me over to the machine lady. I held on for a few minutes before I disconnected again. I lost faith in Call centers that day.

The next day, I got in touch with the account manager through email. After a few mail exchanges, I got to know that ICICI had tied up with some ‘Mint’ card, that they’d transferred all my points to my new Mint card, and that I should be receiving the card shortly (within a week or 2).

It’s been more that 2 months now, and I am still waiting for my Mint card. Exemplary customer service, I should say.

Technorati Tags: ICICI, call center, customer service

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Death by powerpoint?

Was going through Slideshare. Some pretty interesting presos there. Check the one embedded below. Also, Slideshare’s ‘World’s best presentation contest’ winners at http://www.slideshare.net/contest/results-2008

Posted in HUmor, Technology | No Comments »

The hole above and us below

Saw an ad in paper from a leading network integrated solutions company which talked about one of their managed solutions (computer/server/storage stuff). The ad went like this .. ‘our xxxxx solution reduces cost of ownership, enhances multimedia functions including streaming video and IP telephony and is environment friendly‘. Well, with my limited IT knowledge, I could make some sense of the first few benefits of their solution, but I’m still scratching my head over the last one - the ‘environment friendly’ thing. Maybe they are talking about reduced energy consumption, environment friendly technologies et al, but I’m not sure. If I were to pick the odd man out in that sentence, I would pick ‘environment friendly’. A similar ad from a paper bag manufacturer - I would’ve digested easier.

Reminds me of another time when we got an email from one of our top bosses - The mail urged us to cut down on our flight travels and take to more video conferences so that we do our bit to reduce carbon emissions. (’Market is bad, and we need to take out all your perks’ would’ve been another way to put it, but that would’ve sounded cliched)

‘Eco-friendly’, ‘Environment-friendly’, ‘Green’ etc are the new marketing buzzwords today. Here’s a tip: If you are planning on getting a new product into the market, make sure you wrap it in green, use recycled paper and add an ‘eco friendly’ catchline (however out of place it may appear). Should work even if you manufacture weapons of mass destruction.

Technorati Tags: environment friendly

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Paradise lost!

Here’s a quick one, just to let you know that I am still around.. More to come.

I was able to cross off one more item from my ‘Things to do before I die’ list last week. I finally got a taste of authentic Hyderabadi Dum Biriyani!! Oh, wait, there’s more - from the restaurant most of my friends have been recommending - Paradise hotel in Secundrabad!! (And yeah, my Must-Do-Things-List is that simple - I am a man of moderate ambitions). But…

I should say I wasn’t as ecstatic as I imagined I would feel after this feat. The biriyani was no where near what I’d imagined: It was downright pathetic! And it’s not just me - I had my biriyani connoisseur friend with me, and he too didn’t like it. Maybe we expected too much, or maybe my planets weren’t aligned - I don’t know what, but I wished my dream remained a dream, ‘cos the anticipation of tasting the king of biriyanis was much better than actually tasting it.

Tragedy!

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The Switch

Got a real scare today when I saw a mail from one of my good friends. The mail went like this:

‘Sampath, Dunno if you’ve seen it yet.. guess somebody’s hacked in to you blog ..Your photograph with turban taken in kambla has been replaced with somebody else’s snap..Some photographer guy trying hard to pose’

My site- hacked? OMG, has my biggest fear of having my site hacked and replaced with porno pics come true? All’s lost… these were the thoughts that went thru my mind that instant. After I caught up with my racing heart I realized she was talking about the change in my profile pic, you know, the one in my ‘Sez Who’ page. Yes, I changed it when I no longer could stand comments like ‘Which one’s the buffalo’ (this in spite having explicit call outs marking my position in the picture), ‘the buffalo looks cuter than you’ (this one mainly from wifee - you can’t blame her though, the picture was quite grainy you see) etc. And the comment from my friend above definitely tells me that she too hadn’t recognize me in the pic. Hey, I was not the one with the turban. Do you see a cool guy with camera, without horns, and definitely without a turban - that’s me.

Anyways, now that I have replaced that pic with a much slicker one, I hope there won’t be any more sarcasm.

Above: The earlier pic I had on my profile page.

Posted in HUmor, Life, Self depreciation | No Comments »

Web 2.0 and the art of keeping in touch

Some people just have it in them. I, for one, definitely don’t. I am talking about the art of keeping in touch. It’s gotten so much easier these days with web 2.0, but I should admit that I still haven’t mastered the art. And I am thankful that I have wonderful friends who don’t get peeved at me for not keeping in touch. Even after a zillion mails and calls that I don’t return. I know some of my buds keep a diary with birthdays, anniversaries, and other important details regarding friends so they could call up and wish them. How I envy these folks. I know it’s impossible for me to do it.

Maybe that’s why Twitter doesn’t make any sense to me. I read all these articles about how great an application Twitter is, and what potential it holds. I can’t seem to understand what sense it would make to broadcast everything you do every other minute on the web. Now, come on, admit it - not many of us live a life that lends itself to spicy stuff that could interest anyone. Unless you are Britney Spears. Or for that matter our own Imraan Hashmi (That guy who goes around kissing girls. Lucky Bum). If I were to Tweet (I’m not sure if that’s the right Twitter lingo - My guess), it would go like this:
(more…)

Technorati Tags: web 2.0, Twitter, potential, Britney Spears, Imraan Hashmi

Posted in HUmor, IT, Life, Self depreciation, Technology | 1 Comment »

Could it get any better than shooting yourself in the back.

Today was just one of those days when nothing seemed to go right. End of the day, here I am, frustrated and restless. I feel like shooting myself in the b***. And shoot I will. Through this quick fire, simple (and silly and visually-not-so-appealing and a lot of other things) game. Try it out if you are in the mood: >> Shoot yourself

Game requisites: Grumpy mood, A total lack of design sense, A hole for a brain, and yeah - windows vista (Perfect for a ’slow’ day. )

Posted in HUmor, IT, Life, Technology | No Comments »

Chillout at Chennai

It’s been a hectic 3 weeks. Our product was finally done, and we had to sell it. We’d created several sales leads over the course of last few months, and had to go around for scheduled meetings. And that’s what we did last week. Boy, the reaction from the market has been very encouraging. And that would be an understatement. Couple of our prospect customers liked the product very much, but suggested some additional cutting edge stuff to be added. Back in Mangalore, that’s what we are doing now. Putting our heads down, and back to work for the next 2 weeks. Meanwhile, here’s an account of our sales trip (forgive me for certain exaggerations, my humble but valiant attempt at humor)

Tuesday, 17 Jun 2008 10:00 AM.
So, we’ve to travel to Chennai. Tomorrow. We are all set with the demos, brochures, wires, nuts, bolts, and the almost fully squeezed out tube of tooth paste. But there’s one thing missing. Oh, yeah - we needed to travel to Chennai. As in, we needed to get our a** moved from Mangalore to Chennai. (more…)

Technorati Tags: cutting edge, Mangalore, Chennai, brochures

Posted in HUmor, IT, Life, Mangalore, Self depreciation, Travel | 1 Comment »

I am, my culture.

Guess where i come from.
* Racism is scoffed upon, but I am happy that I was born fair
* Coke has pesticides, try local hooch instead
* We are cultured, but we don’t believe in ‘Q’ system
* Valentine’s Day corrupts our kids, lets have a hartal instead
* Our homes must be cleaned twice daily. Its ok if waste piles up in the neighbourhood.
* ‘Beauty is skin deep’ but beauty creams are among the fastest moving consumer goods in our society
* Dont let kids get hooked on to some cartoon channels, We parents will miss our Soaps
* We are against corruption, but we dont mind paying a li’l somethig to jump the Q
* Digging one’s nose is obnoxious, but doing so in private is ok
* Do not throw that used tissue on the road. Find a waste basket. Or do it when no one’s looking
* Cheerleaders should be fully clad. If we wanted skin show, we would watch a movie

Posted in HUmor, Life, Self depreciation | 3 Comments »